One of Emma’s favorite new toys is something that Melissa brought home from her loooong trip to Orlando for her work convention. Did I say long? More on that later…. Anyway, She brought Emma a killer whale stuffed animal that Emma named “Black Dolphin.” It is just way too funny how she comes up with things on her own!
Speaking of things she came up with….She likes to play the “Knock Knock” game. So, I say “Knock Knock” and knock on the closed door that she is behind and she says “Who’s there?” and I reply with whatever goofy name I can come up with or maybe even “Daddy” at which time she opens the door and says, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Ha! And we do this many times before she is bored.
Like I said earlier, Melissa was out of town for a few nights and it has been wearing me(and Emma) down. When we did not have a child it didn’t bother me anywhere near how it does now. I see how it affects Emma and it tears away at me too. It has affected her since she was a baby and now that she is able to convey her thoughts to me it hasn’t gotten any easier as I had hoped it would. At night is the hardest part because Melissa goes to sleep with Emma. I read her books but when we turn the lights out she cries–definitely a different cry than when she was a baby, more sad–and tells me that she wants her mommy. This is when I am at the pinnacle of my strong feelings that it would be so much easier–and maybe better for our family?–if we didn’t have such financial responsibilities and Melissa could have a less responsible job. Heck, if we had trustworthy assistance i could get a job or have more time to really ramp up my home money making schemes.
Now, Emma gets up in the morning and the first thing she does is ask me if Mommy is coming home today. I am not sure but I have never heard of this happening with a child when the father is the one traveling but I am sure that it probably does. I only know that I have an extremely hard time dealing with this. Add to this the fact that I am literally on my own in this endeavor as our “help” is few and far between.
I am not trying to sound like a baby but when I see how much “assistance” many of those around us have it is quite the downer. I find myself really putting forth an effort to try and stay upbeat and happy around Emma so that I can lighten her mood. It takes everything out of me to do this. Much more than any job or jerk police chief ever came close to doing!
One last statement: How much does one pay for their job and its financial gain? There is a delicate balance that needs to be made and if the scale begins tipping the wrong way then that is not a good thing. We are not the only ones in this situation I am sure!
I am not putting all this out here on the web hoping that everyone sees it so much as I am doing this as a record of my experiences and that some of the things that I will inevitably forget can be shared at a later time with Emma. It will be interesting to see what she thinks of all this when she is older! And, she will be older really fast! Amazing how fast time is going! Except on the nights I described…;)