For the last year or so I have taken my eye off the ball of what is really important.
It is a very subtle thing, the ability to take attention off what is truly important even when you think that you are not doing so. There are numerous factors that have made this happen and I blame only myself. Melissa and I have made some questionable decisions over the years but things have been very good for us–at least everyone around us would think so.
I have always said that time flies, even when I was a young 19 year old I often looked back and thought “Where did the time go?” This feeling is always reinforced when a pet, friend or loved one dies. It is at that time that we always seem to say that we will make more time to see others or do things we have meant to do. For me, these things are miniscule compared to what I am thinking about now.
It has been easy for me to become distracted with the home businesses that I have been working hard at and with my devotion to remain healthy and fit for–in the long run– Emma.Â Add to this the fact that Melissa is now traveling quite a lot(I can’t elaborate more than this but remember that a great career and great money come at a price, often a huge price..We need to ask ourselves if this price is worth it.) and the resulting stress and anxiety that has come with it and I have been someone with a mind that does not quit lately. Many thoughts have swirled in my mind and this has resulted in my not being able to do things that require more thinking, focus and brain power. Insomnia, something that used to be completely foreign to me has now been a drain on some nights. Of course exercising and dodgeball have taken the edge off somewhat but the fact remains that I have been failing as a Dad to Emma. Sure, I have devoted most everything for her and spend lots of time with her etc… but I have failed where I thought I never would, educationally.
When I was a kid, up until high school, good grades and learning were quite easy for me.
Not to brag but I got excellent grades without even trying. Oh, I remember those years getting the Most Outstanding Boy of the Class award every year…. Well, even though I have been helping Emma to learn–at least I thought I was doing a good job–it has come to our attention that she is having problems with math. This baffles me too because math was such a breeze for me….
I have been trying to put more emphasis on her now, putting the computer, Ipad and phone away when we are together and have been met with some resistance on Emma’s part. She gets extremely frustrated when she can’t do something and we end up in a tug of war trying to get her to learn without me blowing my top. This is extremely frustrating for her and I. When I tell her we will take a break she gets even more upset because she wants to figure the problem out so bad. Anyway, I know that parents go through this stuff every day. I just never thought we would have such issues. Eventually we will get to the solution at which time she gets so happy and proud–while I am mentally exhausted and drained! How do teachers do it? And, anyone who says that staying home with kids is easier than going to work is, in my mind, insane!
Anyway, with all of this has come my neglect with this blog. I have many blog posts drafted but not completed, mainly because I feel too exhausted to focus on actually writing the whole posts out. I am like a little dog that won’t sit still!!!
It is time for me to concentrate on what is truly important now even if it means cutting back on some other things.
Emma is only a kid once and I don’t want to look back years from now and think that I dropped the ball or took my hands off the wheel.
So, in conclusion, I have been going through some very challenging times lately and have neglected some things. I have decided that I am back in the driver’s seat now and this blog will ramp up production again!