So, Emma’s word has changed from bodeepot to bosingpot. We can’t figure out where she got this word but she mentions elfs–maybe from the movie Elf? She uses this word lots like it is a real thing…Too funny!
Emma has really become quite fond of the movie Cinderella. The fact that she has several dolls of the princess adds to her enjoyment of it. She plays with her dolls and Cinderella is usually in the middle of the action “talking” to the other dolls. Some of the other dolls include newer favorites Jasmine, Snow White, and two different Ariel dolls.
We were recently up at the lake house where Emma got to see her Nonnie. Funny but before we left when I told her we were going there she said, “Lubleee!” This is her thing with Nonnie, it has evolved from “lovely.” This is their catch phrase that they say to each other when they either talk on the phone or see each other.
We recently had a corporate “Holiday Party” — have to be politically correct I guess– and Emma got the chance to spend the night with her aunt Mary and cousin Sylvana. Now I have to say that when I knew that Emma would be with Mary I was quite at ease as she spent the time with her in California when we shot the commercial. Only a few times did we look at our watches and wonder if Emma was sleeping or what she was doing, etc…. Well, we got home around 12:30am and who was up and wide awake?? LOL! Emma was waiting to greet us, seemingly outlasting the tired aunt and cousin! Turns out that Sylvana had rocked Emma to sleep at 10 and then Emma got up at 12 right before we got home. She eventually went to sleep at about 1am. Mary & Sylvana slept over and we had breakfast in the morning together. It was nice. Oh, and Emma got her fingernails and toenails polished by Sylvana. She is still showing them off, at least whats left! The rest of the next day was good up to the halfway point at which time Emma turned into the demon child that seems to be popping up much more frequently lately….
Which leads into my next thought…..
I have not written on here nearly as much lately. Not because I didn’t want to but due to “Pure Exhaustion.” For any potential Stay at Home Dads wondering how it will/would be, read this with the utmost of attention..
Now, I have been fighting a cold/flu/virus for almost the last 2 months so this probably has contributed to what I am talking about. However, the ‘lion in a cage’ feeling has been extremely intense lately and it is quite unsettling to say the least. It is an anxiety that I have never, ever, felt–not even when I was working for the neurotic/psycho chief… Working at a job is much easier than this if you ask me. No wonder that 2 female doctors, after learning that I stayed home with Emma, stated the following:
Doctor #1: “Just make sure he has time to go to the gym and have time for himself…Or else guys go a little nuts.”
Doctor #2: “Are you depressed? You know there are support groups for Dads who stay home. Yes, I agree that men are not naturally cut out for this, they need to be always on the go. And, do you drink alcohol because it is easy for men who stay home to drink.”
Well, I have not had the free time that I know that I need–every Dad who stays home(I am sure every Mom too) needs. Since I have felt under the weather I have not done anything at night because I need to get my sleep since Emma has been coming in our bed and I need to make sure I get enough sleep since if I didn’t, I would be a real crab with her during the day. Now, I may be walking a fine line here because Melissa doesn’t want me “talking bad” about(outing) anyone or upsetting them. But the fact is, and she would agree, we do not have enough assistance with Emma(poor us huh?). Sure we have sitters for the all important occasions but sometimes it is like pulling teeth. **We are grateful for the help we do get** And, everyone will have an excuse (you know what they say about excuses?) for “not being able” to help but come on…. OK, I had to stop for a second as I was getting worked up……. Emma will only be little once. Melissa and I have shown her as much love as any child could want or expect. The issue is, have other people done the same? I wonder if other parents have this same issue because none of our friends seem to.
Getting back to pure exhaustion…. I have felt more tired lately than I ever did back in the day when I worked out like a madman. And, it is not due to physical exertion. It is from mental exhaustion and stress. The day after day grind takes its toll. The fact that I have felt sick, that Emma has picked now to turn into the demon child, not had any time to myself, except the couple hours at night or the 1.5 hours during the day when she is napping, and, primarily, the nagging knowledge that there is absolutely no relief of any real duration in sight have been pummeling me down like Rocky was getting beaten down in that great movie. I am amazed that I am not typing “All work and no play makes Ken a dull boy” over and over like Jack Nicholson’s character in the movie “The Shining.”
I am not complaining about staying home with Emma. It is a blessing to us both. However, I have often been feeling lately like she is getting the short end of the stick in this because I haven’t been as chipper and fun to her as usual. I concentrate as hard as I can during the day so that I am at my best with her but it is not easy. And the fact that I am so tired and not in the best mood obviously affects how I act towards Melissa.
I commented in the past about the part of me that is The Lone Wolf. Well, it seems that this part of me is being overworked–at least when Melissa is at work! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that this part of me that so loved to be a loner in the past would rear its head, albeit not on purpose, in this manner! And the fact that Melissa will be out of town soon really, no, realllllllllllly, has me in a tizzy….. Lone Wolf time! I have been thinking about getting back into martial arts as a way to get some stress out–as well as helping my back. Maybe the guy who works at Northlake PD that talked so badly about me online would like to go a few rounds? 🙂
Anyway, it is not all fun and games this stay at home dad stuff. Especially if you have been like me, always on the go. I always knew I couldn’t work couped up in an office but the same goes for being couped up at home. Maybe this is what cabin fever is like huh? Well, I will start getting Emma out more as my doctor gave me medicine(that female refused to give me any as she said it was a cold) and I am feeling better, whew!
Potential Stay at Home Dads remember this: Have a support system ready, people that are not only willing but who insist on helping you out. And really, shouldn’t it be more about seeing and spending time with Emma than helping Melissa and I?????
And, spend time alone doing something you like. I have been thinking about martial arts again as well as model railroading–something I loved as a kid.
See your friends. Very important that you do this!
One last point. Don’t expect your spouse to understand what you are going through. She is a woman and can’t quite understand how you are wired–if she is the typical woman and you are a typical guy.